2013 predictions

OK, back by popular demand (well, I did get one person ask me how come I wasn't doing New Year's predictions this year.) Deep Thought New Year's predictions for 2013.

January: President Obama is sworn in for another term. After the swearing in, Republicans will also be swearing.

February: Congress takes up the sequester and the debt ceiling. Republicans get some spending cuts in return for raising the ceiling, but as a concession to Democrats, before the ceiling is raised, Grover Norquist is superglued onto it so by raising it they can all just push him away.

March: After a vote was taken on raising the debt ceiling at all, Republicans in the Congress rebel and oust John Boehner as speaker. He is replaced by Michele Bachmann, whose plan for solving the debt crisis involves arming all members. This plan backfires when during a heated debate, Louie Gohmert challenges Carolyn McCarthy to a duel.

April: Baseball season begins. The Arizona Diamondbacks win their first seven games-- and then lose their next 155.

May: Not to be outdone, the Arizona legislature takes up gun law reform. They propose that the solution to school shootings is to add a gun to the required list of school supplies that students are required to bring with them to school every day.

June: Congress takes up immigration reform. Rush Limbaugh promises that if they pass it, that he will 'move to Costa Rica.' Which of course it passes, and he does not, much to the chagrin of millions of people who were hoping he was serious this time.

July: The President brings up gay marriage and repeats that his position has undergone an evolution over time. Republicans say that they are disappointed in the President. For believing in evolution.

August: A massive hurricane hits 11 states and leaves even more damage and deaths than Sandy. FEMA runs out of funds and asks Congress to appropriate more emergency money. The Senate passes a bipartisan relief bill right away, but Republicans in the House agree to act only if the emergency funding is offset by cuts to Medicare and Social Security.

September: Football season begins. Frustrated with all the coaching problems that the Arizona Cardinals have had, President Michael Bidwill assumes coaching duties. The team goes 0-16. It is then that he realizes that the fault did not lie with the coaches.

October: Halloween movies are not such a big deal anymore, since people can get scared for free just by watching the news.

November: Looking ahead to the end of the year when unemployment benefits run out and other factors favor a 'grand bargain,' President Obama again makes major concessions in negotiations with the House leadership. The Republicans get the President to agree to almost everything they want in the proposed deal, with deep cuts in spending on entitlements, and tax cuts for millionaires. The Speaker backs out of the deal when most of the members of the Speaker's own caucus throw another tantrum and refuse to support the deal because the President doesn't have to write a note apologizing for standing for something.

December: Visitors to Bethlehem are shocked to find out that the town has been bulldozed to build apartment buildings for a new Israeli settlement in the West Bank.